Officer Bradford’s Bullshit Meals for Assholes: Chili-Cheese Burg-Dog

Chili-Cheese Burg-Dog

Ingredients:
Gas station hot dog: 1
Gas station cheeseburger: 1
Gas station chili: 2 globs
Gas station cheese sauce: 3 globs
Assorted condiments: go nuts

Preparation:
1. Pick a gas station with a tight roller-dog section. Late at night works best as the attendants don’t give a fuck and your guts will be more gastronomically adventurous.
2. Start with the hot-dog bun in one of those cardboard boats. Don’t put the wiener on yet!
3. Rip up the cheeseburger and distribute chunks evenly inside the bun. Hide/toss the burger wrapper. It’s a condiment now, you should never pay for condiments.
4. Top with a nice smattering of that liquid chili and cheese from the nacho machine. More cheese than chili because duh.
5. Carefully place a hot dog on top of the bun mess you’ve made so far. Hide as much as you can under the dog to avoid overpaying.
6. Decorate your dog with the usual hot dog fixins. Ketchup, mustard, relish, etc. This helps to avoid suspicion, masks the hidden “premium ingredients,” and maxes out that flavour taste, yo.
7. Take it up to the register with a straight face. Act natural. Talk about the weather and all that bullshit.
8. You’re now in Burg-Dog Town, population: you.

Note:
Roller dogs are often two for $2, so consider taking your crush out on a romantic burg-dog date. For a sophisticated pairing, try Four Loko Watermelon.

-Officer Jackson Bradford