T.H.A.O.D. (The Holidays Are Over, Dumbass!) Treats
Ingredients:
Leftover holiday cookies: whatever you haven’t eaten
Sugary kids cereal: 5 paws
Tiny-ass marshmallows: 4 paws
Butter: half-ish
Preparation:
1. Load up all of those weird leftover holiday cookies in a big Ziploc bag. Pretend Walgreens is sold out of Plan B pills and seal that shit up tight!
2. This is the fun part: beat the everliving shit out of that bag. Throw it. Kick it. Stomp it. Those cookies were probably made by your family and/or friends, so think of all the reasons you secretly hate them and take it out on that fucking bag.
3. Clean off the cat hair, footprints, and teardrops from the bag and add in the sugary kids cereal. Any cereal will work, just none of that healthy adult bullshit.
4. Shake the bag contents together. Mix it up more than your sexuality during college.
5. Put the butter and tiny-ass mallows in a big bowl and microwave until they look like a science experiment.
6. Stir that science smooth.
7. Dump the bag contents in and stir it all together quickly. Much like a drug heist; this shit gets sticky fast!
8. Spread the mixture evenly into a flat pan. Or garbage can lid. Whatever, I’m not your mom.
9. Just fucking wait, you dick! Seriously. Let it cool for at least one Real Housewives of Atlanta episode.
10. Chomp, chomp. Now you can tell your aunt that her cookies were great, and no you still haven’t found a job and, yes, you got that email about the dog riding the skateboard.
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