Officer Bradford (photo: Laura Donati)
Some might say that getting a cop to review underground music is just asking for trouble. There are all kinds of vices and debauchery going on in most punk and metal, and that’s not the kind of stuff you want to flash in the face of an officer of the law. Luckily, Officer Jackson Bradford, the “chaperone” of pop-punk convicts Masked Intruder, took his turn in our Blindfold Test in stride, and as of press time no arrests have been made
SONG #1
Bradford: Almost everything about this song has a very ‘90s feel to it. I’m guessing these dudes carved “Smashing Pumpkins” or some such into their desks at school, which is misdemeanour vandalism, by the way. Good buildup of momentum. Good energy. Good soundtrack for poking thumb holes in the sleeves of your slouchy sweater.
The reveal: Violent Soho - “Gold Coast” from Hungry Ghost (SideOneDummy Records)
Bradford: I hadn’t heard of these guys. Just watched their video for “Covered in Chrome” for some context. I think I made some pretty good presumptions.
SONG #2
Bradford: Controlled chaos gives way to uncontrolled chaos. Kind of like a car chase down the wrong way of a highway. There’s a nice tough-guy breakdown at the end. I could see myself lifting some weights to that down at the precinct.
The reveal: Punch - “Self-Help” from They Don’t Have to Believe (Deathwish Inc.)
Bradford: Ahh, these guys dressed up as the Ghostbusters and Slimer at FEST 10. That’s pretty legit.
SONG #3
Bradford: This song smells like leather and weed. I would definitely search their van and/or confiscate their snack foods. I’m willing to bet they all have long hair and at least half of them have Jesus Crust beards. Time to hit the barbershop, boys.
The reveal: Weedeater - “Hungry Jack” from …And Justice for Y’all (Season of Mist)
Bradford: Well, well, well. It looks like you can judge a book by its cover. And by book, I mean band. And by cover, I mean veritable wall of pot smoke.
SONG #4
Bradford: I’m impressed that these dudes mastered the technology of time travel just to pull off that pinch harmonic dive-bomb during the intro solo. I feel like tiny robotic ants are crawling all over me. Did somebody spike my whiskey?
The reveal: Cannibal Corpse - “Sadistic Embodiment” from A Skeletal Domain (Metal Blade Records)
Bradford: Oh, this is the band that all those t-shirts are about. Good for pissing off your parents and getting watched by security in department stores.
SONG #5
Bradford: I think they’re summoning some kind of demon. Like those girls in The Craft. Remember when that Party of Five girl got her sunburn disease peeled off in that? And then Dorothy from Return to Oz got really angry and goth. What were we talking about?
The reveal: Slant 6 - “Soda Pop-Rip Off” from Soda Pop * Rip Off reissue (Dischord Records)
Bradford: Classic riot grrrl. Good stuff.
SONG #6
Bradford: If this is who I think it is, I just saw these dudes play in Manchester directly after their 20-hour flight or something like that. They still ripped it up. Real troopers. I think they sound like a montage scene in a soul-searching indie movie. Except less lame than that.
The reveal: The Smith Street Band - “I Don’t Want to Die Anymore” from Throw Me in the River (SideOneDummy Records)
Bradford: These are indeed the Aussies I saw! They did not disappoint live. Legends, mate.
SONG #7
Bradford: Kind of makes me think of TSOL and the like, but a little riffier. That evil surfer kind of thing. Which, if you ask me, all surfers are evil. There’s this documentary all about it called Point Break. Vaya con dios.
The reveal: Hammerhead - “Outer Rim” from Global Depression EP (Learning Curve Records)
Bradford: Huh, these dudes are from Minneapolis. Probably never even surfed.
SONG #8
Bradford: I have a hunch that I know these weirdos. They’re the musical equivalent of that weird uncle who collects sci-fi VHS tapes and gives you weed once in a while. I mean, allegedly. Don’t tell Sarge.
The reveal: Toys That Kill - “Nervous” (Big Boys cover) from Influence: A Tribute to Big Boys (Stiff Hombre Records)
Bradford: Aha, just as I suspected. We’ve shared the road with these guys a couple of times. All previous statements stand. Don’t tell Sarge.
Masked Intruder’s M.I. is available now on Fat Wreck Chords. We’re still eagerly waiting for Office Bradford’s solo album.
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