“Rudolph’s a drunk!”: We debate the merits of novelty Christmas music

Ah, Christmas… that one time of the year where we’ll settle on listening to some of the cheesiest music ever made because “it’s the holidays”! When Rice and Bread contributor Blake Morneau recently came across a series of punk rock/oi Christmas compilations put out by Rebel Sound Music called Cashing in on Christmas and discovered that a volume six (!) was due out soon, he suggested we talk about it in Album Club.

Using the punk-rock holiday compilation as a springboard for a conversation about novelty and traditional Christmas music in general, the Rice and Bread team was joined by Jonathan Minor of Carolinas punk label Death to False Hope Records to examine the many joys (and sorrows) of holiday listening.

Heads up: If you love your traditional holiday oldies, some of this may offend (or delight) you.

The Album Club:
Jason Schreurs, Rice and Bread Magazine co-founder
Megan Cole, Rice and Bread Magazine co-founder
Greg Pratt, Rice and Bread Magazine contributor
Blake Morneau, Rice and Bread Magazine contributor
Jonathan Minor, Death to False Hope Records co-owner

The album: Various Artists - Cashing in on Christmas Volume 6 (Rebel Sound Music)

Jason: So, we were going to talk about this punk Christmas album that’s coming out on Rebel Sound Music; they do this Cashing in on Christmas series, and this one is volume six. But, upon attempting to listen to the whole thing, I’m guessing we’re probably going to have a more general conversation about Christmas music. Let’s start with the compilation… well, who wants to go first?

Blake: I really wanted to get into some kitschy Christmas music, and something a little bit different, but this compilation reminded me that I really like more traditional-sounding Christmas music. It was a surprise to me, because I like new things in my music, but for Christmas music I’m at a point in my life where I don’t want to fuck around with it too much.

Jason: I don’t remember how many songs are on this thing, but who made it through the whole album?

Greg: I did!

Blake: Does it have to be in one sitting?

Greg: Oh god, no.

Blake: Okay, good, because it took me three or four sittings to get through it.

Jonathan: Yeah, I got through it.

Megan: Um, no. I can’t say I really even tried. [Laughs]

Jason: I think maybe it’s just the cheesiness of it, and the fact that some of these bands are trying to write songs that sound like Christmas songs. It reminds me of those old hockey comps that used to come out, where every band would write a song about hockey and they were generally pretty bad. But then I started thinking that maybe I just don’t like Christmas music at all. I started going through some of the Christmas playlists that we have here at home, and the classics, and the indie-rock holiday stuff and I don’t think I really like Christmas music in general, to tell you the truth.

Megan: But that’s because you don’t really like Christmas in general. [Laughs]

Jonathan: I’m definitely on the same page there, though.

Jason: Yeah, but having said that, there are definitely some great Christmas songs and albums out there that we can name off. But let’s start by deciding if there were any standout tracks on this Cashing in on Christmas Volume 6. Did any of these bands really nail it?

Blake: Uh, I didn’t mind that “Vixen” song [by The Droogettes], just as a poppy punk song that made me think of The Runaways or something. I didn’t like it as a Christmas song, but it was listenable.

Megan: It seemed like someone gave these bands the assignment, like, “You have 12 hours to write a Christmas song. Please send them by the end of the day,” because it just seems so forced.

Blake: Yeah, agreed. “The 12 Hours of Christmas Songwriting.”

Greg: There are a few standout songs on here, but I approached this particular assignment with much trepidation. I love Christmas, but I don’t really enjoy these kind of novelty, silly compilations where metal or punk bands do Christmas songs. But what I did like about this is that a lot of the bands actually seemed serious, and obviously a lot of the songs are just a lark, but a few of them were actually serious and good, so I was impressed. It wasn’t all like, “Yeah, Rudolph’s a drunk!” I mean, half of it was those stupid kind of things you always hear, but the other half wasn’t.

Jason: Jonathan, you run a record label. Are these novelty-type Christmas albums the kind of thing you’d consider putting out?

Jonathan: Probably not. But I did like a few of the songs on the record, specifically The Hulls’ “Christmas Time on the Picket Line.” That was good and one of the tracks I really liked. I thought, overall, the compilation was okay, but a lot of it was really same-y, especially towards the second half. But standouts for me were the first track by Priceduifkes, “I Ain’t Dreaming of a White Christmas,” and then The Hulls’ protest song that I mentioned before; that was my favourite one. And City Saints doing “I Hope Santa Claus” dies; I thought that was hilarious, too.

Jason: Let’s talk a bit about Christmas music in general. There are really two types: either someone will do a traditional Christmas album, like the Seth MacFarlane one that just came out [Holiday for Swing], or they’ll do a joke-y, novelty Christmas album, like my favourite one, The Vandals’ Oi to the World. Do you guys have a preference? Do you want to listen to traditional stuff, like the Bing Crosby, crooning stuff, or do you want to hear the joke-y stuff, like Masked Intruder does “Silent Night” or whatever?

Greg: I would pick traditional any day of the week. It’s not my bag to sit around and laugh at goofy music. That stuff’s fun for one listen for me, and it’s cool and no harm done, but if I’m actually going to put something on to… I don’t even know what you do when you listen to Christmas music, like smoke a cigar and sit by the fireplace? But if I’m doing Christmas stuff, whatever that is, give me the Bing Crosby. Or I’ll just turn on the radio and listen to some generic Christmas music, and I love it. I love the Christmas classics.

Jason: I can’t stand them. They make me want to scratch out my eyes. I’m more along the lines of listening to The Vandals and being like, “Fuck yeah! Down with Christmas!”

Greg: Then why listen to Christmas music at all?

Jason: That’s a very good point.

Blake: I find, as I get older, I tend to like traditional Christmas music more. Now, being a hip-hop fan, there’s no hip-hop Christmas albums that I’ve found, but there are certainly Christmas hip-hop songs that I enjoy, which obviously aren’t traditional. But, generally, I like my stuff more rooted in traditional Christmas sounds.

Jonathan: Didn’t Christopher Lee just put out a metal album of Christmas songs? The actor who played Samuran in The Lord of the Rings? If I had to choose between the two styles of Christmas music, I’d choose the novelty stuff. But I don’t know man, I don’t really like anything about Christmas, so…

Blake: Another song worth mentioning is the last song on the first record by Run the Jewels, who were in the last Album Club. It’s called “A Christmas Fucking Miracle” and it’s a great Christmas song, and one of the best music videos ever, because Killer Mike dressed up as Scrooge is incredible!

Jason: What Christmas music do you guys put on around the holidays when you have family and friends over? Obviously, you can’t put on The Vandals’ Christmas album or Run the Jewels…

Greg: During a staff party the other night I had Christmas music going, and I just found whatever station on iTunes that looked Christmas-y, and it was just traditional crooner, jazzy-type stuff. I don’t know who the artists were, but it’s all so innocent. It’s just fluffy stuff.

Megan: I don’t know that I have a favourite Christmas album to put on, but I have a Christmas playlist on my iPod that’s been on there for years, and it features some classics, like The Darkness’ Christmas song [“Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End)”]. There’s also some Joni Mitchell on there, and I’m also a fan of the She and Him Christmas songs. I also love “White Christmas” and I love a little Bing Crosby at Christmas. And I like the hymns, too. I think it’s because I grew up going to church at Christmas, so when I hear “Silent Night” I get a little goose bumpy.

Greg: Let’s just get it out there that these are great songs: “Silent Night,” fucking “White Christmas.” I don’t need to hear some punk or metal band singing about how Santa Claus is… whatever. Give me “White Christmas” and I’m happy.

Jason: Who are you people? [Laughs]

Blake: [Canadian singer-songwriter] Hawksley Workman has a really good Christmas record called Almost a Full Moon. It’s a Wintery, soft Christmas record, but it does the job for me once in awhile.

Jason: See, I can get behind that; when an artist actually writes an album with their own original songs on there and does it in a Christmas-y style. But I can’t get behind, like, Paul Anka doing “Silent Night.”

Megan: It’s gotta be said, and I know you’ll appreciate this, Blake, but Dave Matthews has a pretty great Christmas song [“Christmas Song”].

Jason: [Groans] We started at Christmas music, and now we’re talking about Dave Matthews… and Christmas music! [Laughs] Have you come across any other Christmas gems in your travels, Jonathan?

Jonathan: Jimmy Eat World’s got a pretty good Christmas song on the deluxe edition of Clarity [“Last Christmas”]. And check out the soundtrack to Die Hard, because it’s the best Christmas movie ever.